We've all heard the terms "soccer mom" and "hockey mom." Well, I'm a "swim mom." Bella is a swimmer. She's managed to go from a mild interest in swimming, to TWO swim teams. And I have somehow gotten sucked into the world of Directorship on the summer league. I honestly don't know how it happened. I wasn't even drinking when I agreed to "help out" with the team suits a few years back. Then ~BAM~ next thing I know, I'm coordinating the team's communication, web site, printed material and PR. WTF? Why can't I keep my mouth shut? Why can't I fade quietly into the drapes and mind my own business?
You know what it is? Its karma. When Bella was a toddler, we lived in a neighborhood with a pool and a swim team, and on Saturday mornings I'd run errands. In order to get out of the neighborhood I had to pass the pool. I used to snark at the dumbasses who pitched shade tents at 5:30 am to watch their precious punkins swim in cold water on a perfectly good Saturday morning. So I am *positive* that the universe has rammed swimming right up my own dumb ass. Good one! Hahahaha! Next time I'm in the mood to snark at something, I'm going to snark at people who get to sleep in late on Saturdays. ("Look at those idiots! Sleeping! Who SLEEPS IN on a Saturday?!")
So now I'm stuck in the land of t-shirts that say things like:
When the earth floods from global warming,
the swimmers will rule the world.
Oxygen is overrated.
Chlorine: the breakfast of champions!
If you’re dating a swimmer raise your hand.
If you’re not, raise your standards.
We bust ours to kick yours.
Instant Swimmer, Just Add Water.
I buy goggles by the handful, tiny towels that magically suck the water out of Bella's hair, bottled water and Gatorade like it's going out of style, and Air Head candies because they ensure a wicked good sugar buzz for beating your opponents.
And now, I'm fully immersed in updating our team handbook, our registration form, the website and all our promo material. I've got two registration events in the near future. Other parents are starting to email me on a daily basis to ask all sorts of questions. And starting in June, I'll be back to eating cheeseburgers on Saturday mornings at 9:30 am by the pool. There's usually some sort of nacho chaser around 10:15 and an Air Head at 10:30. (I feel ill just thinking about it!)
I know I'm in good company though. You feel my pain, right? Tell me...what crazy things have you gotten sucked into in support of your child's sports or activities?!
Train Trip, Part The Second
1 day ago