I'm away from the keyboard...

Work is busy. The weekend is coming. Catch you next week. I'd tell you to behave, but you're not gonna. So have fun instead.

--Mom

How's YOUR driving?

I don't know if you've seen this YouTube video or not. It seems to be making the rounds via email. It's not like me to post this kind of thing, but if you haven't checked it out, you must. And make your teenage drivers watch it out also! It is the most powerful safe-driving message I've ever seen. I think all driver's ed classes should run it--over and over and over. And I think all auto dealers should make their customers watch it before they drive off the lot.

It is tough to watch, but DO IT!




As school starts up again and the holiday weekend approaches, please listen to Mom and drive safely!

--Mom

Something with booze went unconsumed? WTF?

Yesterday, while looking for something other than chicken to pull from the freezer (see yesterday's post about having an ass load of chicken in the freezer), I grabbed a foil-wrapped object that was neatly labeled, "1/2 rum cake."

Half a rum cake? In the freezer? (I know, right?!)

Lemme tell ya, I'm really puzzled by this. When did we even have a rum cake? And who the fuck freezes HALF a rum cake? (Me, obviously.) What I want to know is, why couldn't MacDaddy and I manage to polish off a whole rum cake? What kind of wusses are we? Frankly, it doesn't even sound like us, not to finish a cake of ANY sort. I'm mean, IT'S CAKE. And this was a RUM CAKE! I'm almost embarrassed to talk about having a half a rum cake in the freezer.

I admit though, I'm interested to see how it tastes, because of course I set it out on the counter to defrost. I'm excited to see what flavor it is. And if it's edible! And if it's not edible, could it be...with some added rum to freshen it up?!

The more I think about it...I'm starting to feel a little smug. *I* have half a rum cake! I know what I'm eating after dinner tonight. Ha!

--Mom

5 for Friday...BOGO

It's Friday, so you know what that means! Time for my "5 for Friday."

I love making lists and today's list is...five things I've purchased way too much of during my grocery store's buy one/get one free sales.

5) Sweet Baby Ray's spicy barbecue sauce. This is our favorite BBQ sauce, and when it's on sale we like to stock up for the summer. We likes us some Sweet Baby Ray on the grill with chicken and pork! It's the perfect combination of sweet and spicy. We have 4 bottles of Ray in the pantry.

4) Boneless skinless chicken breasts. There are exactly 5 bags of frozen chicken in my freezer. Chicken of some variety is generally my fall-back meal, and how can I fall back onto it if there isn't any?!

3) Laundry detergent. I current have 6 detergents. SIX! Christ, how dirty do I think our clothes are? Who needs 6 detergents?!

2) Capri Sun. There are 7 cartons in the basement for Bella's school lunches. I'm afraid the grocery store will call and tell me they need some Capri Suns to sell.

1) Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies. I hate to admit it, but we possess 8 boxes of OCPs. Hey, they're lunch snacks! Don't judge me. And keep your hands off! Nobody doesn't like a Little Debbie. That bitch can make a prepackaged snack cake like nobody's business! I could probably open a Little Debbie snack cake stand down on the corner and put that little lemonade-selling kid outta business in about 7 minutes. People would come from miles to grab a Little Debbie.



So tell me, what do you tend to over-buy when it's on sale? C'mon, I know there's *something*! Fess up.

--Mom

My life sucks

Bella is on vacation with her BFF for two weeks and that leaves ME to empty the dishwasher. And I HATE emptying the damn dishwasher.

In my dream house I'm going to have two dishwashers. I'm going to use the clean dishes from the first dishwasher and put them into the second dishwasher after using them. Then I can run that load, and then reverse the dish using plan. Doesn't that sound grand?

--Mom

Break out the bubbly!

Hello bloggers! I'm back from vacation and back on the 'net. With some good news, no less.

Do you remember that big state exam I had to take back in July? (If you didn't know, I had to take a big state exam back in July.) I studied my ass ass off, and guess what?

I PASSED!

Woohoo! Thanks for your well wishes. They helped. :-)

--Mom

Vacation, again

I've gone to see my folks. I'll be back at the end of the week. Take care, and stay out of trouble!




--Mom

Nick Nolte and I are soul mates

This is what I look like every damn time I get off the boat. Not wasted like Nick. But I am a windblown mess. Purdy, huh?

--Mom

Being "green" by going yellow

I recently read and article titled "Brazilian environmentalists tell residents to urinate in shower to save water." Have you heard about this?

Essentially, the article urges people to take their...urges...into the shower, thereby saving a significant amount of water by not flushing. And I'm here to tell you that the United States has LONG been on the cutting edge of shower urination and has indeed been a world superpower in this regard.

I know this for a fact!

When I was at party in college, the topic of peeing in the shower came up in conversation. (Drunken conversation, albeit conversation nonetheless.) And a whopping 100% of the men surveyed admitted to peeing in the shower. 100%! That's an amazing amount of men who had already gone green with yellow back in the '80s. And who knew they were saving the rain forest even back then? Way to go men! Keep up the good work. The rain forest thanks you.

Just...watch out for your feet.

--Mom

5 for Friday...Baby said what?

It's Friday! One of my very favorite days of the week, and I have prepared another "5 for Friday" for your viewing pleasure. Today's theme..."My 5 favorite Baby One-liners."

Both my children crack me up on a daily basis. This witty repartee comes straight from Baby's mouth to my keyboard...

5) "Tater tots are the bomb!" Yes, yes they are, Baby! That crispy crust gently snuggled around the soft potato-y goodness. Mmmmm! What's NOT to love?

4) "This is the worst day of my life." She declared the worst day recently when it was time to leave the playground. (The nerve of me.) If that's as bad as it gets, then life is pretty good in Baby Land!

3) "God dammit." I don't know where she got that foul mouth from. (See post on the matter.) :-/

<------- 2) "Do you want this face to come to you?" I don't know exactly what it means, but I think you've fucked up pretty badly if you're the recipient of *that* face.

1) "It smells like God upstairs." Seriously? God? Huh. I didn't know what God smelled like until I went up to investigate. (Did God just use the bathroom? Did he spray perfume? What?) As it turned out, God had been using hair products. Shampoo, conditioner and hairspray to be exact. Take my word for it, God smells nice!

What are some funny things out of the mouths of your babes?

--Mom