Wednesday, July 22, 2009

No love for the primates

Have you seen this video from CNN?

Man, those little fuckers freak me out. They're like furry little car-jacking felons! I'm surprised they didn't pop a cap in the videographer's ass and hoist the car up onto blocks so they could chop his ride for parts. Remind me to stay out of that monkey ghetto!

I have a serious aversion to monkeys and apes.

IMO, they're all yellow-teethed, nose-picking, bug-eating, ass-scratching, shit-flingers. I don't think there's anything cute or charming about them. Remember Travis, the 200-pound chimp that attacked a Connecticut woman and ate her face off? I think the owner should have been shot right along with the chimp. An animal of that size should have been returned to the wild or kept in a facility, not allowed near people or behind the wheel of a car.

Have you heard about those restaurant monkeys in Japan that serve drinks?

That is SO wrong! I do NOT want those bug-eating shit-flingers bringing me drinks in a restaurant. What if you don't tip them well enough? Will you get a face full of monkey poo?! Will one of 'em chew your face off? ~shudder~

Personally, there are a couple of primates that I dislike more than others: chimpanzees, proboscis monkeys and orangutans.

Check out that proboscis monkey in the middle. Does he remind you of anyone?

Jimmy Durante

I have nothing against Jimmy Durante, but admit it, he's got that monkey look about him! Poor, unfortunate bastard.



Courtney said...

Ahaha! I seriously thought I was the only person in the world who didn't like these things. I think it came after a bad trip to the zoo where a monkey was pleasuring himself for all to see (which started the horrible chain of sex talks with my parents.)

Why would anyone want one as a pet? It's beyond me..

Trooper Thorn said...

I don't see the appeal either. Some argue "they are so like people!" This is true only of the people you are referring to are mentally challenged humpbacks with anger management issues and no sexual shame. Or Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis.

Mother Mayhem said...

Running... Screaming...

Tami (Pixeltrash) said...

I've been known to say, "If there are monkeys involved in any way, I'm not involved!" I hate them too. I really don't get why people keep them as pets and think they are cute. Ick.

Mom said...

Ahhh, I love my fellow monkey dislikers! I knew there had to be others. Welcome! Welcome!

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