Thursday, June 11, 2009

People on crack should not build houses

We have these two locations in the house that are akin to the Bermuda Triangle.

The first is on the main level where the basement and powder room doors meet. Rather than better engineering the alcove into which you must go to both descend the basement stairs or...pee, the builders have forced us to forever fight with swinging doors. And lemme tell ya, the knobs on those two doors seem to bang together 24/7. And also, it seems that either of those doors is always open, ready to slam into your ass in a New York minute. Sometimes, the two knobs even get locked together into a power hold so fierce that you need to consult an expert in quantum physics in order to free them. So they can once again begin clanging.

See? Here they are now, duking it out for who will rule the open space in the Daily Battle of the Alcove Doors.
The other space from hell is upstairs in our bedroom where the master bath and closet doors come together to form a death trap. There are times when MacDaddy and I are in and out of the bathroom and/or closet at the same time and actually get stuck amongst the doors. It might seem like a touching romantic interlude, wedged between the doors, but because we're both so fucking sick of being trapped, the precious moments have long worn thin.

Oh's got Baby!! What I want to know is, what kind of architectural jackassery is this? And on what planet did this seem like a genius move?! Did a high school intern build our house, or someone from The Laugh Factory? Because this is ridiculous! No one should be expected to endure this level of crazy.

So if anyone is keeping score, in my next house I need (a) hot neighbors and (b) doorknobs that don't piss me off.

What's bugging you at your house?



Tami (Pixeltrash) said...

LOL! We have one situation like that too. A bathroom door that, when open, has a knob that has the potential to go THROUGH a glass door. Nice one, hu?

The Diva on a Diet said...

OMG, you too? My hallway doorknob and the linen closet doorknob get looked in that same battle nearly every day. Sometimes its damn near impossible to pry them apart. WTF?!

Oh no, look at Baby! Poor, stuck Baby. :(

Debbie said...

Oh my. You know I did a post on my crazy house once. It is unbelievable what builders will do. Forget the lawyers in hell jokes - it should be about builders!

Mother Mayhem said...

Nail pops. EVERYWHERE.

And the dead tree they just planed in the front yard... Geez...

Mom said...

Tami--Wow, that's a pretty big amount of architechtural jackassery, too! Amazing!

Diva--Yes, the daily doorknob wrestling is too much!

Debbie--Imagine the things we DON'T know about?! Yikes!

Mother--The nail pops! Yup, got those, too. Owning a home is quite a hassle? And a new dead tree?? It's too much!

Chris said...

The doorknob on my front door (like, where else would it be, the sink?) is EXACTLY the same distance from the floor as the edge of a ledge type thing (we call it "DAVE" but that's because there's no name for it) so when the door opens, the knob hits the ledge. As a result, the knob is all dinged to hell.

And hi, by the way. I'm new here.

Take care,

Mom said...

Hi Chris, and welcome! Sorry to hear that Dave and the doorknob aren't getting along. Sounds like a genius move on someone's part. Sheesh!

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