FOR SALE: A virtual freakshow

The other day I was checking out boats on craigslist. While clicking around, I found a link called "best-of-craigslist." And wow, I am so glad I did. I was up unnecessarily early one morning and I managed to pass the time with some bargain hunting.

Just check out some of this high quality stuff for sale. Aren't you in the market for any of this amazing merchandise?

• 1985 Space Shuttle Atlantis OV-104
• Spacious Studio Igloo
• Sea Monkeys
• 100$ for two brownies and 1 pt. ice cream
• Jealous, controlling 300gb high-speed USB 2.0 hard disk
• Shrunken Pet Head Amulet
• Republican governor for sale
• bag of butt plugs and/or mannequins parts

There are also "items wanted" and "in-search-of" ads that sound really swell. Such a shame that these have all expired. Shucks! There are hundreds of really humorous sexual ads and slams against ex-wives and ex-boyfriends but I want you to be surprised when you click through for yourself. But peruse some of these winners...

• Looking for a beard mentor
• Penis Measuring
• Tune Your God Damn Piano
• Thanks For Shitting Your Pants
• No More Sex With Fruit
• Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM.
• To the diminutive lesbian who slept in my bed last night
• Man-Servant Needed
• To the Father of an Unruly Child At Plato's Closet
• Bong Operations Engineer
• To the Women Who Performed my Vasectomy
• Body Dumping Location Available
• I Puked in Your Purse
• Wingman for Rent-cheap!
• Lost: Self Confidence
• dear girls snorting coke in the bathroom - w4m
• Threesome with my Realdoll - mw4m
• Sit in a hot tub full of marinara sauce with me - m4w
• Michael Jackson rant

One of the ads that cracked me is a simple ditty titled, WTT High Fives for any Musical Instrument. It reads...

Have some instruments (pianos, trumpets, guitars, hurdy-guydys) that you need to get rid of? I will take these off of your hands, and in return you will receive a solid High Five. I have been told that my high fives are top-notch, so this is a very good deal. I will take just about any bass, flute, mandolin, violin, tuba, what have you...I am not picky. So hit me up with an awesome email and let's strike a deal. Local deals only. No traveling to high-five you. Low Fives also, though they aren't as satisfying.

Amen to that! Everyone knows low fives suck. Hey, check out the visual on the high five that dude posted. That is one amazing looking fiver! I almost want to give him a jingle and offer up a plastic harmonica or a kazoo just to give that five a whirl. Don't you agree?!

Another stunning bit of literary prose was written by a self-proclaimed Port-a-Potty technician who penned the informational manual "Using a Port-a-Potty." It's a classic, and a must-read for all. I won't spoil it by giving away any of the great port-a-potty tips. Just check it out for yourself.

Before I forget, here's the link to the best-of-craiglist. Scroll through. You won't be sorry. I pinky promise!

--Mom