Slap this guy with the "hand of God"...

Some dude thinks this is the hand of God (a six-fingered hand of God) and he's selling it on eBay. It's a rock slide in his backyard, but if you want to haul it out, it's yours!

You'll need to number the pieces so you remember how to reconstruct it in your own yard. And you'll probably need a Uhaul. And a couple of really close friends. Ones who won't mock your sorry ass for buying a ridiculous six-fingered rock slidin' hand of God! Good luck and happy bidding!

--Mom

I'm freaking out...

OK, I'm having one of those days. In fact, I can't even do my regular FRIDAY FAVORITES because instead, I'm having a FRIDAY FREAK OUT! It's one of those days where everything is snowballing all at once. Maybe after I freak out about it out loud, I'll feel better. So here goes...

Tomorrow I'm taking a state licensing exam. It's going to be hard and several hours long. I need to know the entire history of universe and its geography! AND I need to know everything about the United States government, too. And we all know that's pretty effed up. And if that's not bad enough, I'm smack in the middle of grad class. I have an assignment due tomorrow also. :-/ And then on Monday, I have TWO assignments due. ACK!! Plus, I'm trying to get the school newspaper laid out. It's late. No surprise there because I'm up to my eyeballs in grad work, plus regular ol' life. And we're also heading into the busy season for swim team. I'm missing our big registration day tomorrow, but I've had to squeeze in the making of signs, printing registration forms, updating the web site...and some other shit. And as of right now, I have NO idea what's for dinner. Everyone might be fending for themselves. :-/

So yeah, today is one of those days. And I have a feeling it's going to be on of those weekends. Grrrrr. But, here's the bright side...it won't last forever. And at least I'm on the right side of the grass, right? Because the alternative would be way worse! :-)

Do I feel any better now? Hmmmm. Maybe a little. But it's time to study for my test tomorrow. I hope I don't die of it. ~freak~ Wish me luck!

--Mom

The Pulitzers

The 2009 Pulitzer Prize Winners were announced this week. They are the highest honors in journalism and the arts, in fields of writing, photography, illustration and music composition. I look forward to them every year, even though I am no longer in the "real" world of journalism. I always go first to the "Breaking New Photography" category. I don't know why, because the images are always so haunting they make me cry. This year's winners are no exception. And as it turns out, the man who won is the son-in-law of a former co-worker. They must be so proud!

If you'd like to see all the winners, here is the link. If you'd like to see Patrick Farrell's breaking news photos, go here (click on the "works" tab), and take a tissue. He documents last season's devastating hurricanes in Haiti. The death and destruction are horrific.

I enjoy laughing and being silly, but when the Pulitzers come out, I am always reminded of the tragedies that are all around us.

--Mom

You're sticking that pencil...where?!

Have I griped today that grad school is sucking up all my blogging time? Because it is! And I'm a little bitter about it. I want to blog. I want to visit other bloggers. I want to plaaaaay!

OK, there. I feel better after having a little whine. And I'll feel even better after sharing this precious little objet dʼart with you. I found it in a catalog and damn near sprayed coffee out my nose when I saw it.
WTF?! You shove a pencil up the animal's ass, and it barks? Or meows? If I were a dog, I'd do a lot more than just bark if you shoved a pencil up my ass. Poor little darlings. Look at the cat. He looks REALLY tense doesn't he?

Do you know someone who could use this great gift? (Mother's Day is coming up! LOL)

--Mom

Mom = 1, Pediatrician = 0

Last week, Baby broke out into a rash on her hands and feet, which spread to her arms, legs and face. I took her to the pediatrician on Tuesday, and she was diagnosed with Coxsackie virus (AKA hand, foot and mouth disease).

We've had that in the family, and as the rash progressed this didn't seem like other cases I'd seen. Baby's face was terribly red and troublesome. So I decided it needed to research it further online. In my family we have a saying WRT my Googling prowess, "If mom can't find it, you don't need to know it." And this instance turned out to be no different. I determined it was Fifth Disease over the weekend. (Another rashy childhood disease.)

Well, guess what note came home from preschool today? That a number of children have been diagnosed with Fifth Disease. :-/ So, let it be known that I have mad research and diagnosing skillz.

I'm not a doctor, but I could play one on the internet. So tell me, what seems to be the trouble? LOL

--Mom

What the hell was I thinking?

We've all heard the terms "soccer mom" and "hockey mom." Well, I'm a "swim mom." Bella is a swimmer. She's managed to go from a mild interest in swimming, to TWO swim teams. And I have somehow gotten sucked into the world of Directorship on the summer league. I honestly don't know how it happened. I wasn't even drinking when I agreed to "help out" with the team suits a few years back. Then ~BAM~ next thing I know, I'm coordinating the team's communication, web site, printed material and PR. WTF? Why can't I keep my mouth shut? Why can't I fade quietly into the drapes and mind my own business?

You know what it is? Its karma. When Bella was a toddler, we lived in a neighborhood with a pool and a swim team, and on Saturday mornings I'd run errands. In order to get out of the neighborhood I had to pass the pool. I used to snark at the dumbasses who pitched shade tents at 5:30 am to watch their precious punkins swim in cold water on a perfectly good Saturday morning. So I am *positive* that the universe has rammed swimming right up my own dumb ass. Good one! Hahahaha! Next time I'm in the mood to snark at something, I'm going to snark at people who get to sleep in late on Saturdays. ("Look at those idiots! Sleeping! Who SLEEPS IN on a Saturday?!")

So now I'm stuck in the land of t-shirts that say things like:
When the earth floods from global warming,
the swimmers will rule the world.
Oxygen is overrated.
Chlorine: the breakfast of champions!
If you’re dating a swimmer raise your hand.
If you’re not, raise your standards.
We bust ours to kick yours.
Instant Swimmer, Just Add Water.

I buy goggles by the handful, tiny towels that magically suck the water out of Bella's hair, bottled water and Gatorade like it's going out of style, and Air Head candies because they ensure a wicked good sugar buzz for beating your opponents.

And now, I'm fully immersed in updating our team handbook, our registration form, the website and all our promo material. I've got two registration events in the near future. Other parents are starting to email me on a daily basis to ask all sorts of questions. And starting in June, I'll be back to eating cheeseburgers on Saturday mornings at 9:30 am by the pool. There's usually some sort of nacho chaser around 10:15 and an Air Head at 10:30. (I feel ill just thinking about it!)

I know I'm in good company though. You feel my pain, right? Tell me...what crazy things have you gotten sucked into in support of your child's sports or activities?!

--Mom

Friday Favorites

Wireless internet. I love being able to crash on the couch with my laptop (otter style!) and mess around online.

Laughing. I like doing it, and making others do it, too.

Buy One/Get One Free. Free stuff is my favorite stuff! I love my grocery store's BOGO deals.

Turning in assignments early. I got all my grad stuff done, so I can blog on Friday night. Yay me!

Birthday cake! See next blog entry.

--Mom

You've come a long way, Baby!

Today is Baby's 4th birthday!

Baby is who we loving refer to as our "difficult child." Bella was easy in every sense (until the current teen years!). But, bless her heart, Baby has been more of a challenge. I had a more difficult pregnancy with Baby; she was sideways for nearly the entire ride. Ouch! I had three nights of false labor with Baby before my water broke...two weeks early. When it was time to get down to business, I tried my hardest to force Baby into the world, but she's a tough cookie and didn't want any part of it. After hours and hours in labor, the doctors decided to go in after her and she was finally born via c-section. And that was just the beginning. Have I mentioned she's a redhead? This Baby's all attitude!

But Baby has also taken us on a crazy, wonderful journey. I was 38 when I got pregnant with Baby, and it's true what they say about appreciating things as you get older. We do. Baby has also flourished into a bright and delightful little person who amazes us on a daily basis. We couldn't be more proud of her. (Even though we admit to being concerned about her bag lady look last summer. LOL) ------>

Happy birthday, Baby! We love you.

--Mom, MacDaddy and Bella

Mom's gone back to school

I started a grad class this week, and I'm feeling a little bitter about it. Not because I don't appreciate higher education, but mostly...it's cutting into my blogging and social online time.

Right now, as the clock is nearing midnight and I'm slogging my way through my first paper, I'm beginning to feel grouchy and whiny. Those of you who are teachers or parents of school-aged children will probably recognize these particular brands of whine:

I don't get it.

What are we supposed to do?

Is this for a grade?

Do I have to put my name on it?

When is this due?

I can't find my pencil.

Can I turn it in late?

Why do we have to do this?

I need to go to the bathroom.

And that just about sums up how I feel right now! So wish me luck, as I gripe my way through class and long to blog instead.

OK, time to buck up and get back to business...

--Mom

Pirates? Are you kidding me?

Can someone please remind me, in which century are we living? Because I feel like we've taken the Way-Back Machine to the "Golden Age of Piracy" and we're now living in the late 1600s. Is it just me, or are we hearing about pirates taking over ships on a daily basis?

I'm wondering if this is going to be a new way of life? Is it because of the economy? Are people going to just start taking over other peoples' stuff? And I'm also wondering if I've stumbled onto something here...and if I should get a jump on it myself! You know, beat out the common folks at pirating. And if so, I need to start making plans, ASAP.

My neighbor has a sweet new Beamer. I may pirate that this weekend. There's a new family around the block, and they've got such a cute dog! He ran into our yard the other day, and the next time he does, he's mine. I'm pirating his furry ass! Oh, and the next time I'm feeling burdened by a trip to the grocery store, I'm just going to pirate someone's (full! paid for!) cart out in the parking lot. Screw the hassle of picking out my own meat and produce!

But I think I'm going to need some new clothes for my pirating gig. Don't you think? I was looking in a catalog the other day, and I mocked these boots. But now, I'm thinking they might be perfect for pirating. Should I get the red or purple ribbon? "Both" you say? OK! And I'll need a pirate bustier, because, according to movies, that's what lady pirates wear. OH! And a puffy shirt, and some jodhpurs. Not the kind equestrians wear, but the special pirate jodhpurs. I want them to tuck into the kick ass pirate boots.

Actually, this is probably the look I'm going for. Cool, huh? ----->

So you've all been warned. Be on the look out! I may come 'round to pirate at your house (or your blog!). Arrrrgh!

--Mom